Do you ever feel like you are not growing at work anymore? That you are treading water and not sure why you’re where you find yourself?
Being in our comfort zone can be reassuring, but after a while it can begin to make us feel like we are coasting: bored, uninspired and dissatisfied. We lose the sense of our purpose and that quickly leads to all sorts of problems: brain fog, difficulty with deadlines, lack of productivity and difficult relationships to name a few.
In this conversation, George realised that being in his comfort zone for too long meant that he was cultivating an image which wasn’t serving anyone, and primarily himself. When he suddenly found himself in a new environment, where he was allowed to not know and ask questions, he felt he became authentic again.
Realising this in a coaching session can lead one to ask important questions about one's ‘comfort zone’. What do I need to stretch myself? What can make this more interesting? How can I grown within this framework?
But in order to realise this, George had to become aware of his being in a comfort zone for too long. Read below to find out how this unfolded. Feel free to comment and share if this resonates with you.
George is a CEO of an investment company based in NYC. We are talking on Zoom. As the sun is setting in cold London, George has a mid-morning energy in NYC. He tells me of a recent trip he made to Italy to explore some new tech-related ventures but not at all connected to his 'real' job in finance.
ME
So how was the trip?
GEORGE
Oh, it was amazing. Really nice to have a warmer spell in this cold winter. But even more, it was awesome to hang out with those people who do completely different things to what I usually do.
ME
What was awesome about it?
GEORGE thinks for a while.
GEORGE
I think it was just fascinating to see a team at work, in a completely different field. Much more creative, and warmer in how they work. Also, it was just interesting. I know nothing about what they do and it was an opportunity for me to... learn. To... ask questions… to…
He thinks a little more and there's a pause.
GEORGE (CONT.)
...be more myself, I guess.
He seems perplexed.
ME
Yourself? How's that?
GEORGE
I think that when I don't know... I can ask. I can... be more… authentic.
ME
Being yourself means what?
GEORGE
I guess I feel ok not knowing and that it is OK for me to ask if I don't know.
His energy is definitely shifting to being more introspective and ponderous.
ME
And that is something you don't feel normally?
GEORGE
I don't think I do.
ME
I want to reflect back to you that from what you just said, I think you mean that it is easier for you to be yourself and 'authentic' when you are out of your usual environment. Is that fair to say?
GEORGE
Yes, I think it is.
ME
And what do you feel when you are authentic?
GEORGE
I am not sure. I think it feels good. Like I am aligned... Like things are the
same inside and out.
ME
In that case I'd like to ask you: What do you think can make it easier for you to be more authentic in your everyday environment?
GEORGE
Mmmm...
He is thinking for a long time, his face scrunched up.
There's a long pause.
GEORGE (CONT.)
I want to say something that is really hard for me to say.
ME
Go for it.
He is thinking hard. There's a long silence again. He seems deep in thought.
GEORGE
I feel like I have been selling a lie to everyone.
ME
In what way?
GEORGE
I was let go of my previous role in an investment company. I didn't want anyone to know. I just disconnected from people on LinkedIn and set up my own thing.
ME
How is that a lie?
GEORGE
It's not really what I want to do. But I felt I needed to show them. I needed to prove them stupid... wrong... But I was doing a disservice.
ME
Who to? Who were you lying to?
GEORGE
Firstly, to myself. But then to all the people around me. I couldn't
let them 'win.' Which is stupid.
ME
Why is it stupid?
GEORGE
Because it becomes about them. And not about me. And maybe that's why I feel inauthentic.
ME
How does that make you inauthentic?
GEORGE
Because I do something I don't want to be doing. And maintain a certain image which isn't true.
ME
What image is that?
GEORGE
Of someone who knows everything. Who never needs to look for an answer. Who is never let down, never disappointed, never been let go.
ME
Oh I see... that's taking us back to Italy.
GEORGE
Yes. Because there it was obvious I don't know. And I felt I can ask. And that felt so good. I was learning!
ME
Which is a position you find hard to be in when you're back home?
GEORGE
Yes. And I think it goes back to my parents who couldn’t really handle any ‘failure’ or not knowing anything when I was growing up. They also felt terribly uncomfortable when they didn’t know something. Like it’s a huge embarrassment.
ME
And what do you think about it now?
GEORGE
I guess, from this trip, I can say I like not knowing something, because it means I am learning. And trying to maintain this image of someone who knows it all becomes a barrierto me feeling more myself. More authentic.
*names and places have been changed to honour privacy
Illustration by Evie Fridel